I just returned from vacation with my family and it was a wonderful time. The weather was warm, my parents and sister’s family joined us for a few days and we were able to spend a great deal of time creating some lasting memories as an extended family. On a couple of days we were able to visit a few amusement and theme parks that did a magnificent job of creating the “Christmas spirit.” On more than one occasion, I would “take a break” with my father (he’s 81) while the rest of the family stood in line for a ride. During such times, my father and I would “people watch,” observing how they interacted with one another and with others.
Overtime we began to see an interesting pattern. Almost without exception, those individuals that were older (65+) were patient with all that was going on around them and, more importantly they seemed to be the only ones that extended basic courtesy and civility. Whether it was to say “excuse me” as they were moving by someone or stopping to hold the door for someone else; whether they said “thank you” to the server at the lunch counter or “please” when placing their order, the “older generation” consistently exhibited basic courtesy and civility.
Sadly, almost with the same consistency, those adults of middle age and their children were the opposite. My father and I watched over and over as children pushed through lines without acknowledging the person they bumped or saying “excuse me.” We saw children demand things of their parents versus ask. The words “please” and “thank you” didn’t seem to exist. As my father and I continued to watch, I heard him say to himself “We are seeing the children of parents who’ve been given everything and who believe the world revolves around only them. We’re in trouble.”
To be fair, every now and then we saw a parent stop, coach and demand that their children extend basic civility by holding the door for someone, waiting their turn, or saying “please” and “thank you.” At one point, after my father watched a child hold open the door for someone, he got up, walked up to the parent and thanked them for teaching their child to be respectful; to be polite. In fact, it became a game for my father and me. We would look for those parents and when we found them, go up to them and share how grateful we were that they were trying to teach civility to their children.
By the end of our trip, we had approached and thanked 19 parents! Here’s where it gets interesting. Of those 19 parents, more than half of them teared up and thanked us for noticing their efforts. Most shared that they feel like they are swimming against the current (and they are!) and how hard it is to ask of their children what is not being modeled by other children or adults.
So here is our New Year’s challenge: in your area of life, help encourage basic civility again.
How do you do this? First, by modeling basic civility regardless of whether or not those around you are doing so themselves. Second, encourage those parents that you see working to model and teach basic civility to their children. They are swimming against the cultural current and could use a simple “I noticed you teaching your child to be polite. That doesn’t happen a lot these days and I wanted to thank you.” I think you will be surprised by how grateful those simple words will mean.
Happy New Year!
