Colorado Home Health Services PeopleCare Health Services

New Understanding

I’m a fairly independent guy, always have been.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a “loner” and I do enjoy working with teams and groups of people, but I also like challenging myself; seeing what I can do on my own.  After a recent accident however, my life has temporarily changed from one of independence to one of dependence.  Suddenly, even the most simple tasks require someone to be available to help me and if I have any desire to do anything away from the home, it requires a lot of preparation and complete dependence on the good graces of those willing to help me. Those that are helping me, primarily my spouse, do so because they love me and they never give any indication of being inconvenienced or frustrated with me.  Still, I feel badly that their lives are being “interrupted” because of my inability to be independent for this period of time.  Though I try to thank them every chance I get, there are three things that I want them to know is going on below the surface for me the whole time.

First, no matter how patient and graceful you are with me, I’m still always really embarrassed that I need help with the most simple things.  When you’re putting on my socks or helping me stand next to the toilet so I can relieve myself, no matter how much patience and grace you give me, I’m always a little embarrassed that I can’t do it on my own.  This isn’t a reflection on you at all.  It is a reflection on my feeling of helplessness.

Second, like the embarrassment, I’m also always a little frustrated too.  I’m frustrated that I need you to put my socks on; that I need you to help me stand by the toilet; that those things that were an afterthought that I did in seconds (brushing my teeth, lying down in bed, getting into a car, etc…) now take 10-15 minutes or longer.  That frustrates me and sometimes it comes out wrong when I ask for something; it comes out with a little more edge than I mean.  Again, remember it is a reflection of my frustration, not you who is providing me the care.

Finally, even though some tasks would be quicker for you to do, I want to do them for myself; more to the point, I need to do them for myself.  I need to do them for myself so that, in some small way, I’m reminded that I have the ability to take care of myself.  That small, little feeling is incredibly important to me.  It gives me dignity.

So to all those caregivers out there who selflessly, day after day provide assistance and care in those small, menial activities of daily living for your clients, remember that there is probably some version of what I’ve shared going on just below the surface.  It doesn’t have anything to do with how you carry yourself; on whether you are patient enough, kind enough, dignifying enough.  Sometimes, we are just embarrassed and a little frustrated that we need you so much.

PeopleCare Corporate

12015 E 46th Ave, Suite 650
Denver, CO 80239
Phone: (720) 863-1500
Fax: (720) 780-1390

 

PeopleCare North

200 East 7th Street, Suite 416
Loveland, CO 80537

Phone: (970) 480-0529
Fax: (970) 775-5811

 

PeopleCare South

201 W. 8th St., Suite 810
Pueblo, CO 81003
Phone: (719) 275-2575
Fax: (719) 467-3119

 

PeopleCare West

300 Stafford Lane, Suite 30240
Delta, CO 81416
Phone: (970) 874-0136
Fax: (970) 540-4005
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